A Conundrum of Contradictions

The musings of one born in the wrong decade

My Crazy Life May 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 8:42 pm

Seemed like yesterday that everything was swimming along just fine, steadily going in the right general direction. And then today came. Well, more accurately, Tuesday last came and the world did an inward one-and-a-half without warning me first, and voila, here I am now: without a job, no health insurance at a crucial juncture, and wondering not only what the hell happened but what to do now.

In the technical vernacular it’s called ‘position elimination’. In common terms, it means the boss called on my Saturday, right after Fruit Pebbles and in the midst of a knitting project I’d been dyeing to start, to say they were changing the gallery hours (again) and three full-time positions were being cut, and one of them was mine. I asked about the decision process, since with the exception of one wardrobe incident I was basically the ideal, if not (dare I say), perfect employee, yet somehow I was out on my ear. She gave me some trivial BS answer. Needless to say it fucked my weekend. That crucial health insurance juncture was scheduled for the coming Thursday; we’d been waiting over a month for it and it was essentially a critical turning point – one that we missed.

So now…Life is in a jumbled pile that’s supposed to resemble right side up and moving forward. Part of me is thankful – judging by Saturday (my last day) I’m grateful to never have to see that over-priced junk again. The “White Box” will torture me no more. The other part is determined to make it no matter what as long as she can keep from freaking out completely. I’m essentially self-employed, which may be the answer to me always saying ‘there’s got to be a better way’ when referring to working all your life for the Man.

I’m not ready. Truth is, I may never be ready and sometimes to get on with it you need a push. I’m trying not to think about it too hard, do as much as I can every day, just act, and remember to breathe. There’s a small glimmer of hope for a transfer, but it’s two weeks out at best. And it’s a glimmer not a guarantee, so I’m busting tail in case the answer is no.

We’ve taken on that roommate we initially considered and then didn’t have, same person no less. Her life fell apart too, but in a different way, and we’re in a unique position to help each other. We’ll see how it goes. All that talk of having my own business and making my own hours, doing my own thing, living the life I’ve always wanted…it’s not longer talk, it’s all prep, research, and action now.

I hope I know what the hell I’m doing. Pray for me.

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