A Conundrum of Contradictions

The musings of one born in the wrong decade

>Sunshine and Butterflies January 12, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 1:18 pm

>I’ve had some excellent inspiration for this blog recently, but also haven’t been anywhere near it to communicate them. The caliber of people I’ve been meeting at the gallery is improving – they’re not all art buffs, but the conversation is stimulating. Met Gregory from San Diego who has dreadlocks down to his waist. I had a long phase (for lack of a better term) where I really wanted to have dreads, so we chatted about that. I gave him the website for the blacksmiths where he can get a hair staple like I have (whose site is currently down, but it’s www.poundiron.com ); he gave me the site for some excellent hair care products. We also talked about tooth whitening and shared our pain stories about ‘Zoom!’.

Borrowed an excellent book from the shop called The Four Agreements, that I’m hoping to put into practice. Been researching methods and materials for my version of the pouf mentioned in previous posts. Had French toast at 2:30am two nights ago and some great conversation with my husband – he has excellent advice for navigating the complicated work scene.

I’m trying to remember some of the light bulbs that went off I wanted to share….
One was a quote posted in the office at work, that I swear was just for me. It reads:
The trick is what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. – Carlos Casteneda

Another thought was that when asked what my career goals are or what my career is, my answer shall now be “Happiness”. Or better yet, that I’m working towards being a professional bum. I’ve broken the spell finally that says my career defines me. I don’t define myself by my career, because ultimately, taking everything into consideration, that would make me miserable. From the perspex of others, I’m an interior designer wasting her talent in an art gallery. Before this gig, I was the designer wastinger her talent in a lighting showroom, which usually produced that long drawn out, pitiful “oooooo”; which used to offend me because part of me believed it, saw it the way they did. Now though…Eh, followed by a shrug. What and who I am has nothing to do with where I work; also has nothing to do with my success in this life, or my happiness. That great book I mentioned earlier talks about making agreements with yourself that ultimately define your inner truth, and what I’ve gathered so far, only being two chapters in, is that my truths up to this point have been provided by others (so have yours) and I chaff against them because they’re not true to what I am: a happy free loving spirit. My soul doesn’t want all this fuss, all this pain and frustration; it wants sunshine and butterflies and all things to be right in my world – the hippie motto, if you will.

I can have it. So can you. I’m not going to listen to any feeble arguments you have to the contrary either. 🙂

Anyway, daylight is a-wasting. I’ll start jotting down those bursts of inspiration… Until then.

 

>Finding my way… January 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 11:04 pm

>I’ve been meeting some interesting folks at the gallery. Had a Ted Nugent look-alike confuse me to death with some shpeel about the Native Americans’ solution to the white man destroying their lands, which apparently was a 5 x 10 block piece of graph paper colored in primary colors. Yeah.

Today I met some nice gentlemen from Etna, California, population roughly 766. They’ve been living in a “wall tent”, off the grid, for 9 months and counting. See wall tents here. I think that’s fantastic. Now if I could just figure out how to become a vagabond myself…

Let’s see: pay off car, buy small caravan OR build little house on wheels. Sell or donate just about everything I own. Find portable, location-independent means of earning a living – that’s where it gets hard. Well, challenging. I haven’t come up with a brilliant answer yet, but I’m working on it.

I’m also working on creating my own version of this very cool poof. I already have someone who wants to buy one from me if I’m successful.

Just trying to find my own way in a sea of meaningless chatter and chaos. The boys from Etna mentioned how coming to Vegas is sensory overload compared to how they normally live. I wouldn’t mind a bit less of that myself. Change the way you see the world and it will change the way the world sees you. My oft-used line about being forever disappointed I didn’t run away and join the circus was answered today by an EMT from Chicago, who said “it’s never too late, if you really want it.”

Yes sir, you are indeed correct.