A Conundrum of Contradictions

The musings of one born in the wrong decade

>READ THIS!! September 20, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 8:22 pm

>It’s IMPORTANT
http://www.farbeyondthestars.com/real-secret-of-success/

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>Monday, Monday

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 7:33 pm

>It’s Monday. That’s almost enough said, isn’t it? With my current schedule, Monday is actually my Wednesday, but it hasn’t taken as much edge off as I’d hoped. Today was a good day. I’m working on a bid for a big corporate client – $7k in light bulbs if you can believe it – but it’s been a lot of running people down and nagging until they help me. If I had access to their systems I’d do it myself – it’d probably save us all the headache.

We stayed out pretty late last night, what seemed late to me anyway after two nights up being up till 2am, and then got up at 6. That was rough. I’m doing this to keep my eyes open long enough for the laundry to finish washing. It would not be appreciated if I strolled into work tomorrow naked or in my pajamas.
Anyway…off to it.

 

>Ms. Twitch September 18, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 6:56 pm

>I’m a bit twitchy just now. Got out of work late due to some stragglers. Had a good day, but have stopped moving and realized how tired I am. Sounds a bit too familiar really. If I were smart – and I’m not saying that I am – I would go to bed now cuz I’ve gotta be up in 2 hours for a red carpet event. I just hate that I don’t get to see my husband…except right now I’m making him nervous cuz I can’t sit still. Weird. Me.
Off to it, I guess.

 

>Two Faces September 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 7:59 am

>I ran across a blog of someone I’ve met in person and my brain is having a bit of a hard time with it. See, her blog presents a completely different person than the one I met. My tired brain is trying to mesh the two perceptions together and it just doesn’t fit. I met this girl at one of the photo group meetings we no longer go to. She’s a white chick with dreadlocks, which I was fascinated with at the time, so after the meeting during the mingle/network session I went to chat about hair. She struck me as not overly friendly; even on a subject she was obviously into (the locks) she didn’t light up and get all conversational. I asked if I could touch one – one of the discussions Honey and I had was what those things would feel like in bed next to him if I got them – and her response was to ask me if my hands were clean. She gave off this vibe that she thought she was better than everyone else and I was pretty sure we wouldn’t be friends.

Now, all that being said….I visited her blog yesterday. She and her hubby have taken the plunge many of us talk about but can’t quite pull off for one reason or another: they’ve given up their house and become full time RV’ers traveling the country. Her blog is inspiring, full of hippie chick stuff, green living stuff, ‘unschooling’, and nice photos of their adventures. She comes across as a warm, open person, a gentle spirit trying to enrich the lives of her family, and make the world a better place. Quite a bit different from the person I met.

So, the part of me that still insists people are good says maybe this lifestyle change has changed her. What would I be like if my days were filled with a relaxed unending roadtrip? Another opinion that was voiced was that she’s an extremist (mostly of the environmental sort), that her presumed feeling of superiority applies to anyone who doesn’t think the way she does, and that this persona she’s presenting is to curry favor with the blogging community (she has some 200 followers). I don’t know about all that. I just know she’s living one of my dreams, the one that’s gonna be on the back burner for awhile, making room for something else. I haven’t got a big house to sell to fund my expedition; I also haven’t got family across the country to support me. In the same breath, I don’t grudge that she did/does.

I’m just gonna go with the positive in that her blog appears (from a brief glance) to be a rich resource for lowering one’s impact on the planet, dashing bravely into the world, and living life to it’s fullest. It goes nicely with the quote I got in a Dove chocolate candy last night: What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?

 

>The Sickie Train September 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 9:46 pm

>I need to eat something. I’ve got that kinda icky feeling where my head is starting to hurt and my stomach feels kinda sour. The blood sugar is dropping. PB and toast are in my future.

Today has been a challenge. One of my customers from work was causing grief for the other guys while I was off – pretty sure she’s more trouble than she’s worth. Anyone who saunters in and demands/expects a discount offends me. It’s a discount store already; everything is 50% off or better. That’s not good enough for you? (Seriously?!?)  Ended up having again what’s becoming an old argument. I didn’t win, as expected. Had a lady get mad at me for not giving her the fan blades she wanted. I tried to explain to her that the fan she chose came with certain blades, and no, I can’t just swap them for the ones she wants. It doesn’t work that way. She started tweedling, asking why not, and who’s gonna know… People don’t seem to understand that I’m not jeopardizing my job so they can get something for free.

………………………..There’s been a long unpleasant gap between when I started this post and now. I never did get that toast. The joke that’s becoming my reality is this body is a delicate flower. She’s easily upset and has a vicious right hook. The guys ordered sammies from the pizza joint to go with football and I managed to eat half of a half, forcing it down. I’m an undiagnosed hyopglycemic; the warning signs are as follows: headache, stomach ache, and nausea, which worsens over about 30 minutes. Eventually the smell of food with make me vomit, and by then I’m going to be very sick for the next two days or more. When it gets that far, Honey has to worry about me passing out in the bathroom in the middle of the night and throwing up on myself. Charming, isn’t it?. Unfortunately, some days the pattern doesn’t stick – everything goes sideways and I’m just freaking sick all of a sudden…like today. So I was rapidly heading in that direction earlier , and went to lay down with a cool cloth on my face, hoping a little quiet stillness would derail the sickie train. It’s been probably 3 hours and I can finally sit up without swaying. That was a serious WTF moment.

Back to bed, I think.

 

>It’s Always Sunny September 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 11:01 pm

>Did I sound depressed in that last post? It wasn’t my intention, cuz I wasn’t, but I was run down and feeling it. Not every day is a great day, and on those not-so-great days I try to keep my mouth shut. I’m a closet angry person and though watching me self implode might be entertaining, I’m trying not to inflict negativity on the masses. I’ve been told that I’m text book ‘depressed’, undiagnosed of course. I have parent issues, anger issues, weight and lifestyle issues, and some days I wake up and just hate everything… which is neither healthy nor productive and makes me hell to be around, so I try to talk myself out of it before talking to anyone else. But being aware that I tend to “get the blues”, now I’m paying more attention and trying to get my happy on. I used to be a very happy child; the world was my oyster in fact. I had the biggest dreams, hundreds of giant dreams, and I still want all of them – my head often gets in the way of how to have those dreams. Every hear the one about the different answers you’ll get if you ask a child vs an adult how to put a giraffe in a refrigerator? An adult with tell you, of course, that you can’t, with the size of neck and legs it’s impossible. A child will say you open the door, take the giraffe by the neck, and put it in. Simple.

So why aren’t I happy every day of my life and gone out to achieve all those big dreams? I’m still trying to convince my adult mind that I can put a giraffe in a refrigerator.

For the record, today was awesome. Any day I can wake up without an alarm qualifies as awesome. Got my groove on, had some Chipotle for lunch, went and helped beautify a house – I have mad cutting skills with a paint brush btw – watched a cheesy/cute movie over frozen pizza…good stuff.

 

>Fumes September 8, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 10:04 pm

>I’m having something of an odd day. I over slept a bit – taking Tylenol PM generally leaves me feeling like I’m clawing out of a pit trying to wake up and keep my eyes open – work was good, I sold a large amount of stuff, the newest side job is going well. I even watched the new Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on the Disney Channel…it’s just that when I tried to work on my creative project… just blah. I’d say it was an overall good day, but not an amazing one. I don’t have any reasons for this, but my theory is that I’m going thru the motions on a rationed energy supply. I haven’t slept really well for about 3 days. The Tylenol is a last resort – I wake up groggy and retarded, the later being a lingering effect. So basically ‘mediocre’ is the best I’ve been able to do. From recovering over-achiever to accomplished slacker to average mediocrity. It’s a shame really, that last part.

In the spirit of that mediocrity, I’m going to give up on this post and go to bed. Luvs gang.