A Conundrum of Contradictions

The musings of one born in the wrong decade

>Balancing Act April 25, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 8:32 am

>Earlier today I was standing on the top of a 16 foot ladder; in one hand I had a scraper hose-clamped to an old broom handle, in the other a Vulcan death grip on the nearest rung. It snowed dry paint flakes into my hair, down my shirt, all over Honey at the bottom, and made a professional-grade mess. It got expertly messy once the pressure washer was employed. And just think I could have spent a snail day at the shop.

I have a new challenge. This one is for me… and anyone else like me, but not everyone. I am notorious for having what my hubby calls no ‘middle ground’ – a world of extremes, all or nothing, miserable or ecstasy. My dad called them mood swings like nothing he’d ever seen before (which is funny cuz I got it from him). It tends to make me very literal and hell to argue with. It also can make me hell to be with.

So my challenge is to find balance.

If you’ve read my previous post about challenging yourself (and did something about it) you may know the predicament I’m in. I decided to tackle all my flaws at once. My list varied between eight and ten things I wanted to improve; the problem was I didn’t really know where to start or even how to go about fixing it all, especially something as elusive as being angry, which I am way more than is good for me. Since I’m a focus-on-one-thing-at-a-time kind of girl when it comes to life-altering stuff, you can see how I wasn’t getting very far. Knowing what I know about me, we came up with a plan to achieve what I want by playing to my strengths (maybe more correctly, strength): focus on one thing with everything I’ve got – and put that focus towards the pursuit of balance.

I can be peeved without blowing up or happy without letting a little hiccup ruin it. I can stop being defensive every time someone questions me, and remember my very good line about not being a doormat. Evening the keel will help in all the areas I agonized over for a week. Ultimately I’ll be calmer, happier, mentally healthier, and more flexible about life’s insanity. The more level I am the better everything will be around me: my marriage, my work environment, myself in an empty room. (Try being with yourself in an empty room – it might drive you crazy).
(I hate to quote a line from a show I won’t admit I watch because it’s full of real people I despise, but I will anyway because it’s so fitting…) And so it is.


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