A Conundrum of Contradictions

The musings of one born in the wrong decade

>Cracked…Gently now April 23, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — summerv @ 7:47 pm

>Sometimes the answer is no.

Sometimes the answer is simply you can’t win. Doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, try or don’t try, things come out wrong. Not specifically wrong, just generally wrong. Conflict inside breeds conflict outside. The head and the heart can’t agree, logic and illogic take up the usual stances; it all feels old yet the topic has changed. Or maybe it hasn’t. Maybe it’s the same battle as always just fought a different way on a different day.

Does it matter?

There’s discord; the ever-struggling balance for harmony has been disrupted. I feel old and tired, frustrated and sad, and very much like the foundation of all I know is cracked. Dangerously cracked. Do I patch like hell or risk tearing down altogether and starting fresh? It’s a much heavier decision than it sounds – I can’t afford to get it wrong. The cracks are never from just one thing either; it’s usually four, or six, or nine all at once, demanding priority and all being equally important. Time doesn’t heal all things; you have to work at them over time. Big difference.

So what if there is no time?

What if you need years of healing in a week or less? I’d say you need a little magic and a lot of faith. Maybe a week of free time to focus on nothing else. To not think and just do, to change who you are, down to all but five things, and become someone better. Right now.

Expectations are terrible things; they breed monsters in the night. I know many a good thing that’s been shattered by someone’s overblown expectations. This situation could be no different. Delicacy is definitely required.

One of my recent fortune cookies said not to let unexpected situations throw me…I’m still working on that one. Among many others.


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